Salesmen
by Trolli
Summary: When Cid's airship, the Highwinds, is in need of new parts, he joins forces with Vivi to... SELL CANDY BARS!


Umm. One day in seventh grade, I got bored and wrote this fan fiction after reading some FF9 stories, so this is kinda strange. I don't own any of the Final Fantasy characters or any related paraphernalia, so no suing meh! It's not. polite. (Eyes swivel)  
Anyways, I hope you enjoy your read! Just as a quick note, if I somehow bashed on any characters, I didn't mean to! ^_^;; I like all the FF characters a bunch and stuff, so umm. Yesh! Go easy on me here- I'm new at this! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
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SALESMEN (Okay! Here's a story about Vivi and Cid Highwinds trying to sell candy bars.Vivi knocks lightly on the door. Nobody answers.)  
  
Vivi: Um. I don't think anybody's home.  
  
Cid: That's just 'cause you hit the door so #@&% lightly!  
  
(Cid pounds on the door. Nothing. Pounds some more. Nothing.)  
  
Cid: Errrrrrr!!!!  
  
(Cid then slams his fists on the door and it goes crashing off its hinges!)  
  
Cid: Geez! I broke the #@&% door!  
  
Vivi: Oh no! What do we do?  
  
Cid: What else?  
  
Vivi: Huh?  
  
Cid: RUN!!!!  
  
(Cid grabs Vivi and they run for their lives. Down the street, they're finally walking normal again. They approach another door and Cid knocks on it. Lighter this time, though! Vivi is staring down the street, hoping the cops'll understand about the door. Just then, Zidane opened the door.)  
  
Zidane: Hi guys. What's up?  
  
Cid: .Ahem. .VIVI! It's you #@&% line!  
  
Vivi: Oh! S-sorry. Um. Zidane? Do you want to buy a candy bar?  
  
Zidane: Why are you selling chocolate bars?  
  
Cid: It's none of you #@&% business!!!!  
  
Zidane: Oh. Kay.  
  
Vivi: .Cid needs the money to buy new parts for the Highwinds.  
  
Zidane: And uh. Why are you helping him?  
  
Cid: HEY! Stop asking so many #@&% questions and buy the chocolate!  
  
Zidane: Uh, sure! Anything for my buddy Vivi!  
  
Vivi: Thanks Zidane!  
  
(Zidane is reaching for his wallet, but then something explodes inside the house.)  
  
Cid: What the #@&% was that!?  
  
Zidane: Oh no! Not again!!!!  
  
(Zidane runs off and slams the door. Cid and Vivi stand there a moment.)  
  
Cid: .He ain't coming back, is he?  
  
Vivi: .Probably not.  
  
(They shrug and leave Zidane's house. The next house they come to. Eiko's. But Mog answered the door instead of Eiko.)  
  
Cid: Huh? Hey, what the #@&% is that thing!? A flying rat?  
  
Vivi: No. This is Mog, Eiko's Moogle.  
  
Cid: So. Is Moogle some kind of term for 'flying rat'?  
  
Vivi: Um, no, it's.  
  
(Just then, Eiko comes to the door.)  
  
Eiko: Hi, Vivi!!!! Hey, who's that guy?  
  
Cid: I'm Cid Highwinds and Vivi?  
  
Vivi: Yeah?  
  
Cid: SAY YOUR #@&% LINE!!!!  
  
Vivi: O-okay! Eiko, d-do you want to buy some choc. Wait a minute. How'd you get  
Your own house?  
  
Eiko: Uh. GO AWAY!  
  
(Eiko slams the door in their faces.)  
  
Vivi: .Um. Wanna try the next house?  
  
Cid: Sure. Whatever.  
  
(Now, they approach Tifa's house.)  
  
Tifa: Cid? What're you doing here?  
  
Cid: Before you go slamming the door in our faces. BUY THE #@&% CHOCOLATE!  
  
Vivi: .They're only a dollar each!  
  
Tifa: Okay. I'll buy one.  
  
Cid: Whew, good! Hey Tifa. Sorry about yelling at first. We haven't been doing too  
Well in the selling 'biz.  
  
Tifa: No big deal. Here you go!  
  
(Tifa hands Vivi a dollar and he passes her a candy bar.)  
  
Vivi: Thanks!  
  
Tifa: You're welcome!  
  
(Suddenly, they hear police sirens blaring some ways down the road.)  
  
Tifa: Hey, that sounds like the police.  
  
Cid: #@&%. Time to go, Vivi!  
  
(They run down the road and duck into the alley.)  
  
Cid: We're safe for now, so just stay quiet and don't do anything stupid!  
  
Vivi: Shouldn't we just tell them what happened?  
  
Cid: #@&% no!  
  
Vivi: ............  
  
(They watch the cop car go by.)  
  
Cid: .Alright! The coast is clear! Let's get outta here!  
  
(Cid jumps up and speeds out of the alley. Vivi races after him, trying not to get dusted. The next house they go to is Squall's.)  
  
Squall: . Who are you?  
  
Cid: Cid Highwinds and Vivi um. Vivi. Hmm.  
  
Vivi: Ornitier.  
  
Cid: Yeah! That's it! Orbiter!  
  
Vivi: Um, it's actually Ornitier.  
  
Cid: Just say the line, kid.  
  
Vivi: Okay. Hello sir. Would you like to buy some candy bars? They're chocolate and  
Only cost a dollar each.  
  
Squall: Whatever.  
  
(Squall casually hands Cid a dollar and then closes the door. Vivi looks at Cid.)  
  
Vivi: Um. He forgot to take the chocolate.  
  
Cid: .So?  
  
(Vivi knocks on the door and waits. But instead of Squall coming to the door, Cid and Vivi hear him talking to Sorceress Adel!)  
  
Rinoa: SQUALL! SELPHIE! ZELL! HELP ME!!!!  
  
Squall: Okay! Let Rinoa go, NOW.  
  
Adel: Sorry, Squall. She's my energy source!  
  
Zell: Dude! We can't fight Adel with any GFs! They'll hurt Rinoa!  
  
Selphie: What do we do, Squall?  
  
Squall: Just use physical attacks and targeted magic! We can beat her!  
  
(Cid and Vivi hear a good deal of clattering around in the house. They exchange confused looks. Just then, they hear a bunch of dishes crash onto the floor.)  
  
Selphie: ZELL! Are you okay!?  
  
Zell: Owwww.............. (Passes out)  
  
Squall: Hurry! Use a Phoenix Down!  
  
(Cid and Vivi stare at the door a moment.)  
  
Cid: .Well, sounds like they're having fun. Let's go, Vivi!  
  
Vivi: But shouldn't we go help or something?  
  
Cid: It's none of our business. Now let's GO.  
  
(Now, they're at another house. They knock on the door.)  
  
Quina: Hello Vivi and taller man.  
  
Vivi: Quina? I thought you lived in Qu's Marsh!  
  
Quina: I do. But town has many good frogs to catch and eat! But I no see any lately. I  
HUNGRY!  
  
Cid: Well, you're in luck, sir! Uh, ma'am. Hey, what gender is this thing, anyway?  
  
Vivi: I don't know.  
  
Cid: Well, anyway. We have some chocolate bars. D'ya wanna buy 'em? They're only  
A dollar each.  
  
(Vivi opens the box of chocolate bars and shows them to Quina. It's eyes light up and then, the unexpected.)  
  
Vivi: AAAAHHHH!  
  
Cid: WHAT THE #@&% IS IT TRYIN' TO DO!?  
  
Vivi: Quina! Don't-  
  
(.Quina ate their whole stock of candy bars. It even ate the box!)  
  
Quina: That yummy! Thank you, Vivi!  
  
(Quina shuts the door.)  
  
Cid: HEY YOU #@&% ANIMAL! YOU GOTTA PAY FOR THAT!!!!  
  
Vivi: ............  
  
Cid: Vivi! You KNOW that ^$*(@&$(&!?  
  
Vivi: Um. Yes.  
  
Cid: Well, tell the #@&$ thing to give us the money!  
  
Vivi: Um. Quina?  
  
(Vivi knocks on the door. Quina answers.)  
  
Vivi: You um, kinda need to pay for the chocolate.  
  
Quina: Pay?  
  
Cid: You heard the kid you #@&% CLOWN!  
  
Quina: .You funny, Vivi! Your friend very silly too!  
  
(Quina closes the door.)  
  
Vivi: Um. Well. Look at the bright side, Cid! .We have two dollars.  
  
Cid: AAARRRRGHHHHH!!!!!  
  
(Suddenly, the cops pull up. Vivi and Cid are surrounded!)  
  
Cid: #@&%! Now we're gonna be arrested!  
  
(The cops get out of the patrol car and walk up to Vivi and Cid.)  
  
Cid: I didn't do it! I swear!!!!  
  
Cop: Are you the salesmen that broke down the door a few streets over?  
  
Cid: I already told you! NO!  
  
Vivi: Um...... Yes.......  
  
Cid: (Glares) Traitor.........  
  
Cop: Well.......  
  
Cid: Great! Here it comes, #@&% it!  
  
Cop: Since the door had been busted open, we caught the Turks trying to steal a very  
Expensive item called Une's Mirror. It was thanks to you two that we were able  
To bring them into custody.  
  
Vivi: That's great! We really are sorry for the door, though.  
  
Cop: It's all right. We'd actually like to repay you guys!  
  
Cid: Repay us?  
  
Cop: Sure! Anything you want. It's yours!  
  
Vivi: Thank you, Mister Cop!  
  
Cid: Brand-new parts for my airship, the Highwinds!  
  
Cop: Airship parts?  
  
Vivi: Yes please!  
  
Cop: No problem!  
  
(The cops leave. Cid sits down on Quina's porch.)  
  
Cid: Well. That was unexpected. Maybe honesty really is a virtue.  
  
(Cid thinks a moment.)  
  
Cid: Uhh....Scratch that...... 


End file.
